i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
