Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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