you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
