I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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