i just wanna soil my oats bro
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize