I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
