I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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