ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
