i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
