I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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