Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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