piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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