if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
