She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
