I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
