I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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