this boner is exhausting
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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