If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
