And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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