his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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