Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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