Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
