Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
