the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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