census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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