i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
