You're a womanizer and a bitch.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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