i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
