During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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