i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
