I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
