she woke up with a sticky ear
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
