if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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