it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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