He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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