I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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