I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
