so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
