I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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