If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
love makes seman taste better
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
as a side note pls kill me
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