the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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