I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
