I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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