I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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