And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
