I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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