All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
