i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
