so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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