Already got asked if we're dating
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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