Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
