ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
