Well douche your snatch and let's go!
from now on my penis is your penis
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
