How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
