I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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