We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
