That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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