i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
