is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize