history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
