last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She's the barista slut.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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