I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
