I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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