im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
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