Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
