Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
